What do you want to do in your life?

At the end of 2019 i kept saying "2020 will be my year"

Yeah, i had been through a lot in 2019 then i promised 2020 will be my turning point.

And then guess what? When things seems goes right, there's this other thing called corona virus have been destroying everything.

I spent months in my room because everything just 'not normal' anymore out there.

On the bright side, I am inside of the circle of lucky people who safe financially in this pandemic. 

However, it's still drive me crazy tho because normally i hate going outside because i just don't want to, now i hate that i can't go outside because people keep telling me not to do.

Well, it gives me lots of time to sit and think about one question. One big question.

"What i want to do in my life?"

No, the real question is "What i really want to do in my life"

The problem is, i believe in causal theory, whatever decisions i take today, it will surely establishing my future at some point.

It make me really worry. Quarter life crisis is real, at least for some of young people.

A wise man said "try everything before you turn 30, make some mess, and then in 30, try to settle because you probably already find what you really want to do in life"

I like that words but what if everything turns crazy? What if i messed up because i decided my 20s will be my learning period.

I wonder if instead of spending my 20s trying to figure out things, what about choosing one path and stick to that path?

Maybe this will answer my question, or probably yours too.

Instead of trying to plan things, why don't you just act like you are walking on the road, you gonna see things, you will see beautiful thing such sunrise or sunset, you probably will see a car accident. But at the end of the day, you just going to take rest and wait for tomorrow. 

Yeah, my point is just to live in the present. Let the wind guide you somewhere you never think of. 

"Life is like waiting for the train, sometime you catch it sooner, sometime you miss it and have to wait for another train, what if you miss your last train? well, you can still walk, you might get tired, but at the end, you still have to go to this place called destiny"

Rizki, August 23th, 2020